What will it be like to be a Mother?

As Mother's Day fast approaches my nerves begin to get a little on edge.  Don't get me wrong I am beyond blessed to have the wonderful mother and mother-in-law that I do but still there is a longing I so desire that's not YET complete.  For years this specific holiday has been beyond bearable but God has brought me through every one and I know He will do the same yet again in a few weeks.  I find myself trying to keep my mind off the little things during this time year but there is always a little reminder that our Two of a Kind is not yet complete. 

Up until recently I have avoided most baby showers and holding new born babies (unless they were close friends or family) just because I felt my heart couldn't take any more "ache" but recently God has given me an "easy, peacfuly feeling" that He's got this all under control.  While my heart knows that God is preparing the most pefect little one just for us my head does not always understood that everything happens in His timing not ours. A passage of scripture that has been our theme throughout our adoption journey is:

"and whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive if you have faith"

Matthew 21:22



I have found myself the last few days thinking about what it will be like to be a mother; to care for my own child and not have to take them back to their real parents.  Both of my sisters are great at letting me "borrow" their kids when I get that urge to "feel like a mommy" but eventually I have to take them home.  Just last night while Nick and I were at Wal-Mart I saw a young couple (younger than us) with a toddler (maybe 2-3) then the mom pushing a shopping cart with twins.  I instantly began to imaging how our shopping trips will change and I don't mind one bit if we need two grocery carts; one for baby or babies and one for diapers, formula, and all the other essentials.  I hear all the time ... " Just wait till you have to start buying formula, dipers, etc... you will then wish it was just the 2 of you again."  Well I can't imagine feeling that way ... I've waited for almost 7 years to do those things I don't think I'll ever get tired of them. 

A friend of mine who is current going through the adoption proceedings too posted the following poem to her blog last week and it's stopped me dead in my tracks ... I couldn't finish it because of the tears flowing down my face.  This poem sums up my heart's desire to be a Mother!  As you read this I do not intend to offend anyone or make anyone feel that I think I will be a better mother ( for we all feel we will be or are better mothers to our children than anyone else) but for anyone who has ever lost a child or longed for a child this poem shares the desires of our hearts.

Thoughs on Becoming a Mother

 

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without

patience or loss, and though they are good mother and love their children,

I know that i will be better.

 

I will be better not because of genetics or money or becuase I have read more books,

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

 

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

 

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

 

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,

knowing that I can comfort, hild, and feed him'her and that I am not waking to cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

 

I could myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with whcih i will look upon my child.

 

Whether I parent a child I actually gave birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

 

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

 

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

 

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.  I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet give time, I stood tall!

 

I have prevailed.

I have succceeded.

I have won.

 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

 

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

 

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

 

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

 

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.  I have learned to appreciate life.

 

Yes, i will be a wonderful mother!

 

Auther Unknown

 

 

As we prepare for Mother's Day this year I pray we all will thank God for His many blessings, all of which we do not deserve, and remember to thank Him for your mother and for making you a Mother!!!!

Praying for "Our Full House"